knock, knock, knock. "Who is it?" I ask.
"Can I come in?" a child's voice. A name flickers in my mind: Koran... I end it.
"Yes, you may."
"Mom and Dad say you went crazy. Is that true?" I give a half grin. And think of my favorite crooked grin... the one I'll never see again... I shake the thought out of my head.
"No. That is not true. What did they tell you?"
"That you believe in Wonderland. And that light has a feeling."
"Did they tell you about Trea?" He looks at me confused.
"No... they didn't..."
"Would you like for me to tell you about him?" What am I doing?
"Yeah!"
"There is only one condition to it. You can not, under ANY circumstances tell ANYone, not Robert or Tracey, not teachers, police, kids, not even your best friend. I mean this is a secret between absolutely only you and me. Can you handle that?"
"Is Trea an out-law?" he asks, hesitatingly.
"No," I laugh. "He is not a bad boy in anyway at all! I promise you, I won't have you keep any secrets that are bad ones or against the law or of someone or something against it. Will you keep the secret now?" He is silent for a minute.
"Yes. I promise to keep it a secret." I smile.
"Ok, here it is: Trea's real name is a big, big name. Would you like to hear it?" He nods his head. "His real name is Istrangelabutrea. Kinda big, isn't it?"
"Yeah! How do you even spell it?"
"Don't know... I've never given it any thought. But his best friends call him Hatter. Do you know why?"
"No... Why?"
"Because he makes hats for a living! Do you see this hat?"
"I don't think you should tell me anything about the hat." I pull back in surprise.
"Why not?"
"Because Mom and Dad want me to tell them everything I learn about the hat. They want to tell a doctor all about it. I already promised them to tell them. But I want to keep your secret more. So don't tell me." I look at him in awe. I never realized how smart and intelligent this child is. Not even before Dimmerland.
"Oh. Ok. Then I'll tell you about what Trea looks like, then. Would you be able to learn about that without telling them?"
"..." uh-oh. I may have said too much as it is. Wait. What am I talking about? They can never find him alive, anyways. Even if they did find the way into Dimmerland.
"Nevermind. I don't care. They could never find him." I look down. "He is- was tall. Amazing green eyes... crazy red hair... a half grin..."
"Please, Alyssa... Don't talk about him," Koran says. I look at him with sad eyes.
"It won't matter anymore. They are already wanting to talk to the doctor. I can't save me. And they could never find Trea. He is dead now."
"What do you mean dead?"
"Koran," the name feeling foriegn on my lips, "Sit down. I will tell you everything, except for the hat. And I promise, all of it is true. Absolutely nothing I am about to tell you is made up or pretend. It is fact. And I lived every second of it." Why am I telling him everything? It is pointless. May even make it all harder on me. At this point, though, I don't really care. He sits there, wide eyed, nodding his head, already hanging onto every word.
"First," I say, "Did they tell you how I got into Dimmerland in the first place? That is, how I discovered it?"
"Yeah. They said something about light feeling like glass. And then you were in Wond- Dimmerland. They didn't say much else," Koran says.
"Ok, so this is what happened. I was lost and confused, trying to figure out where I was and how to get back home. I found a small house and knocked on the door. Then Trea answered it." I bring my voice to a whisper and say, "Then I saw Trea. And baisicly, I fell in love with him and his crooked grin." I smile at the recolection of it. "I didn't know that yet, though. I wasn't ready to admit it to myself, even." He looks at me strangely. "You will understand that one day. Anyways, I introduced myself to him and he told me to just call him hatter. I managed to find out his name is Istrangelabutrea. I gave him Trea as a nick name, and he gave me Lyssie as a nick-name." I smile at the thought. "I don't let anyone ever call me Lyssie accept for him. And I don't let anyone else call him Trea, either. Haha." Koran gives a half grin. I faulter at that. He almost immitates the crooked grin perfectly!
"Anyways," I continue, trying to get the smile out of my mind, "I asked him for help. He didn't want me to go, at first! But he did wind up taking me back. Oh! I forgot to mention, he was 18 and he made a special promise for me: he would stay 18, just for me!"
"That's ridiculous! You can't stay one age for anyone!" Koran exclaims.
"You may be surprised! In Dimmerland, the Time is actually a person! If he is your friend, he'll do anything with time that you want! So, Trea asked to him to keep Trea at 18. And he did!"
"You're making this up," Koran says.
"I made you a promise that absolutely everything I am telling you is the truth! This is something that I could never make up! Especially about some one that I fell in love with!"
"Time can't change, though!"
"I'm telling you that it does. Remember when you would be watching your favorite show and Robert and Tracey had to force you off of it! Even after they said ok to just five more minutes, or when the show is over?"
"Yeah... It's never long enough!"
"And what about when you are in trouble and grounded to your room for the whole day?"
"It always takes forever for me to get out!"
"You see? Time doesn't always go by the same. When you are having fun, it goes by quickly. But when you are bored, it takes a long time before you can get out. The same goes with time. It can speed up or slow down. That is what Old Man Time does."
"Oh...Kay..." He looks down quizzically, trying to wrap his mind around it. I give a short laugh and say:
"It's ok. It was hard for me to understand, too. Untill that night, when I was at home."
"What happened then?" Koran asks, naturally.
"I realized that Trea shouldn't have to wait on me. I shouldn't waste his Time. So I asked Time to go faster for me, and slower for Trea. The crazy thing is this: Old Man Time listened. That was the fastest day of school in my life ever. I wasn't even hungry for lunch! I packed up that night, and left a note for all of you. And I left. I took the key through the portal to Dimmerland so that no one could follow. When I was able to see the house, I asked for Time to slow down so that I could enjoy the mini-reunion. And he did."
"Wow... And that really happened?"
"Yes, it did. That was the fist day of my new life." I smile in wonderous thought.
"What happened after that?"
"Koran!" Tracey calls.
"I'll tell you more tomorrow," I say. Koran stands up. "And don't forget! You made me a promise!" He turns and nods at me. and walks out of the room.
What am I doing? Why am I telling him everything? He is going to say everything I told him! Then I'll end up being 'Insane' for sure! But I feel for Koran. I touch my hat, feeling the semi-soft sued, the ribbons, and the roses. It doesn't matter what I do. I will make it back to Trea.
I hear them whispering to eachother. Some one knocks on my door. I hope its Koran. "Come in." Its Tracey. Ugh.
"Dinner is ready. Wash up," she says. I can tell she is trying hard to make it seem as if nothing has changed. Smiling with her mouth, but not her eyes.
"If its all the same to you, I'd rather eat in here for the night." Her happy face falls to match her eyes.
"It is not the same. But if that is what you want, then at least go get your food. It is not good for you to stay in your room all day long." I look up at her with pity.
"This isn't my room. It is the room of the girl you used to know." She stops, not knowing what to say. Her eyes fall on my hat. My heart quickens. No. No, don't.
"Ok, if you insist. Give me your hat."
"No," I say firmly.
"Just until you decide what your new name is. We can't go around calling your name for you to yell at us."
"No!" I say louder.
"Then have you decided your new name yet?" No- yes. Alice. no. Alicia. That is close, but not the same. No. Too close. Yes. I have it now.
"Yes. I have."
"Well, what is it?"
"Istrangelabutrea."
"This isn't funny."
"You are right. It isn't. Niether is my name."
"It is too long to call you that!"
"Have you even tried to say it yet?" Only Koran knows the meaning of this name.
"Istrange..."
"Istrangelabutrea."
"No. If I can't say it now, I won't be able to say it after 17 years of calling you Alyssa!"
"Fine. Then how about Trea for short?" Ugh. I didn't want them to have to know it. But I can atleast understand this much. After all, I had a hard time with it myself. That is why I gave him the nick-name.
"I still need the hat."
"Then you lied to me. You will not get the hat. Ever!"
"Why not? You still have yet to tell us what it means to you."
"I could never tell you what it means to me. You could never understand it! There is too much meaning behind it!" I'm shaking, trying to hold my own.
"What happened to you?" She asks, genuinly concerned. "You have changed since you dissapeared."
"I know! That's what I've been trying to tell you!" Is she really that slow in getting that?
"Yes, but... You talk differently now."
"I know I do. I don't use crazy words for pretending anymore. That's because I don't pretend anymore. There isn't a need or desire to do so. My words are more confident and direct, more daring for the person you knew." With each explanation, she winces like she's been hit with the obvious facts.
"Why don't you call me Mom anymore?" She asks. I feel a small twinge of guilt. But very small.
"Because, just like you don't know me anymore, I don't know you anymore." She looks as if she is about to cry.
"But I heard you and Koran! You called him by name." !!! She heard me and Koran talking?! NO!!!
"So you are an evesdropper now, too? No wonder I can say that I don't know you anymore!" I shake my head in disgust and walk out on her. Leaving her in the room.
"Alyssa!" I don't answer her. She has the wrong person, the wrong name. I keep walking, looking for the front door. "Trea!" As much as I hate it, I turn back.
"What?" I ask cold-heartedly.
"I'm sorry! It won't happen again!"
"No. You did it in secret. How will I ever know that you haven't broken your promise in secret? You already have Koran spying for you! Or didn't you know that I already knew that?" I shake my head and continue walking.
"Trea! Please!"
"No! I fell for one Jabberwalk's tricks already. I will not fall for them again!" I say, without looking back.
"Robert!" Tracey cries. "Stop her!" I run for the door. I will not stand for this! My hat! I swing my arm to my left, turning as I do so. Robert took it!
"Give. That. Hat. Back." I say, very dangerously.
"No. I can see-"
"Then you leave me no choice," I interruupt. I will not take no for an answer! He stands confused. Seriously? Easy target! I push him down. And grab my hat.
"Let go!" I demand. I dig my nails into his fingers. He lets go from the pain. My hat is free! With the hat in hand, I run. I've out ran the Bandersnatch. I've carried people down from a JubJub's nest and out ran the JubJub. I can out run theses simple existant people.
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