Chapter 15

"NOOO!" I sob. "Time, can't you go back?! I swear I'll do it right! Please!" I can't believe that I fell for its tricks and cunning. Oh, why did I ever let go of that Vorpol Sword? I search everywhere around me. I can't see a light or a void. How do I get back?! Tears stream down my face. I can't be back on Earth. It's a trick! It has to be a trick! "You can't fool me, Jabberwalky!" I scream, loud as I possibly can. "This is just a trick!" I can't believe I fell for it! I was duley warned, too! How can I be such an idiot? I'm no heroine. Trea... I've let him down... The Jabberwalk has won. "I hate you Jabberwalky!!!" I scream, at the top of my lungs, still sobbing. How could I have let this happen? He was right there in my grasp... I could have slayed him! I could have set Trea free! "I hate you!" I killed Trea. I killed Dimmerland's King. I killed him by not slaying that horrific Jabberwalk. I can't believe I did that! Oh, confounded Earth time! If only I could turn back the clock! I would make everything right again! I should have never dropped that sword. I should have slayed the Jabberwalk immediately. I'm still sobbing, shouting, and screaming. I hate me. I am my worst Jabberwalk. I have one in me. It is worse than the one I met. I must destroy my inner Jabberwalk. But how? My eyes burn with anger and hate.

What do I do now? Where am I, anyways? Do I even remember what Earth is like? The trees are only existant. I wish I was in the Borogrove. It would give me a clear path. I even wish I was in the Mind Maze. I know what I need to do. What I want to do. And it would just make me do it. I wouldn't have to know anything else. I wish I had to fight for my life again like I did with the Bandersnatch, the JubJub Bird, and the Sandy-ashen desert! I would know what I need to do, where I need to go, and how to do it! There in Dimmerland, I could actually find a logical solution! What do I do from here? I wish Chess or March Hare were here. They would know where to go. I look helplessly at the sky. My hat! I forgot all about it! I pull it off my head and stare at it. There is hope. As long as this hat exists, there is hope. I shake my head in disgust: I'd even give anything for Chess to harass me, stealing my hat, trying to con me into telling him my feelings for Trea. I am pitiful.

I stand up and wipe my face. I take a deep breath and put the hat back on my head. I close my eyes and take another deep breath. It is just like that first day in Dimmerland. I have to move in one direction to know where I am at, where I am going. No matter how much it hurts. I open my eyes and start walking. One step at a time. Slowly but surely, I come to a clearing. A road. When was the last time I actually saw a road? A real road? I don't remember. Not that long ago, though. I wasn't in Dimmerland that long. But it has been enough to actually change who I am. I am not the timid and shy girl of Earth. I am some one who is inlove with a now-dead man, both of whom belong in a place I call Dimmerland.

I finally choose to walk to my right, following the road. Or highway? Either way. If there is one thing I've learned in Dimmerland, its to not question reality. Only accept it. Red, white, and blue lights play in the distance. I run towards it. Perhaps its another portal to Dimmerland! A piercing sound reaches my ears. I wince and glance nervously at the sky, searching for the Jubjub bird. "Idiot," I mumble to myself. There is no JubJub bird on Earth. That is a police siren. I stop running and begin walking again.
   "-sa!" I barely hear. I cock my head, listening carefully. "-lissa!" The sound is a bit louder. And familiar. "Alyssa!" Oh! Oh, curse you, Jabberwalky! They are searching for me! If I had never fallen for that awful trick, I wouldn't have to tell them my secrets!
   "Augh!" I scream, blinded by a bright light. I look up. And realize there is a helicopter. Ugh. Idiotic me! I try to run, but I can't. My feet are held still. It's like I'm in the Mind Maze; I'm too focused on what is in front of me. Unfortunately, I'm not in the Mind Maze. I can't just think of something else and begone. This is awful. I don't hear or pay attention to what anyone is telling me. I ignore them. They do not exist IN Dimmerland. They are not LIVING in Dimmerland. They are not dead in Dimmerland. They do not matter to me. They are merely a hinderance to me. A large hinderance, sure. But I vow, I will make it back to Dimmerland, if it is the last thing I do. Nothing will stop me. I have everything I need and more. The only thing I lack now, is the strength.